The title was so much cooler early this morning…I slept it away….I love New York.

I love how busy NYC is. I could barely sleep and the little sleep I got felt like hours. The city truly never sleeps and neither could I. I wasn’t tired till I got back on the plane. May be a sign of things to come. Not sure. However I know some of the feelings I captured I want to keep forever and apply it to my everyday life. Environment…is so big in my life right now

It’s amazing how the feel and vibe of a city puts you in a frame of mind to do certain things. I had a great time and realized quite a few things about myself, where I want to go and what I plan to do over the last 8 or so weeks but most importantly, the last view days have gotten very real for me mentally.

After I GORGED on Prime Beef and Pork delicacies [I know Challenge Ruined] along with Red Wine…I was a vulnerable, staggering yet completely on point mess…I didn’t feel drunk. I felt emotional and reflective. I have periods where things get crystal clear.

I’m out in Harlem singing these songs that are tapping into a place that made more sense than ever. Why would a DJ on a Thursday night be playing a series of songs about Lost Love, Heartache and Promise…Don’t know but it all applied as I proceed to sing the wine away from my pores.

It put me in a real reflective period. One that for the moment I will keep to myself. Sometimes your understandings are for you. People get into the habit of assuming your communication is to initiate a gain or a chance to argue your right or right your wrongs. I always speak to be understood…coincidentally not being understood or listened to is my biggest pet peeve of LIFE! Plus your moments of clarity are mind dumps ways to transition to the next phase. Maybe I’ve been too hard on myself. Maybe the worst is yet to come. I don’t know but, I know that the more words I put to paper and to blogs the better I feel. Do you know what it’s like to feel an emotion shift? I think I’m there.

The joy of peace of mind is so underrated. People don’t get it. Someone will go to the grave harboring Ill Will to another human being or denying that they have it. It’s ok to love, hate, express and wash away…if that’s what you want to do. The most important thing is to be at peace with yourself. To a degree I believe your inner peace has the capability to heal things around you.

I have had real issues in my life over the years…I’m still standing because of the decisions that I have made within me. Those changes altered my environment and the people in it. Vibes, Auras and Energies are extremely real. Sometimes how you react says more about what’s around you than you personally.

I got more changes to make…we’ll continue this soon….I got to type of my Moral Compass Theory. Stay Tuned!

I have had some time to deal in my own way but I know it’s not over. I’ve even had a chance to talk to some people around the Port and read and listen to everyone’s stance and take on the murder of my cousin…So, Let Me Be Clear on something.

I DON’T CARE WHO TAKES THE RAP FOR HIS MURDER! I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO GO DOWN FOR IT! If you live in the streets then you got to deal with the street rules and regulations. It’s been put out there that the kid being charged didn’t pull the trigger…I’ll let you know…SO WHAT! I don’t give a F**k if he did or not..If he want to go down for it then so be it.

See this is that Snitching thing that you young dumbasses think you know about….So let me break it down…If this kid didn’t do it..but he was there, seen the trigger get pulled and fled with the killer but HE GOT CAUGHT…Him giving up the name of the real killer would make him a Snitch. Cause he was an accessory/accomplish to a crime that was committed. That’s your street 101 lesson for today.

Did you see my Grandma’s tears? Have you had a conversation with my Aunt of Mom the last 72 hours and really listened to them and see what frame of mind they are in? Have you looked in the face and eyes of all of CG’s sisters, brother and cousins…Most IMPORTANTLY Do you realize that my Uncle and Aunt no longer have there oldest son on this earth.

It’s absolutely NO LOVE for WHOEVER had ANYTHING to do with the murder of my cousin…So if it’s more and they tell on themself, COOL! Let’s Have A Party! I’ll cook and bring drinks! That’s not in God’s way or plan..but let me get my anger out right now.

I feel that way about whoever killed Walt, D-Man, Peabo and any other unsolved murder in Freeport. I know they friends and families. Senseless murder ain’t NEVER been cool…So whoever willing to go to jail for it is fine with me…Just how I feel.

CG ML

When Maurice died, I was so young that it didn’t really make sense. To have a cousin who was so cool get murdered was just unreal. I remember the day of his funeral I was walking with my cousin Tre and we seen the hearse, then a storm instantly hit as he burst into tears as well as I did. We were kids and so was Maurice to a degree. in his early 20’s and his life was taken..and for what?

Today is another unbelievable day. My phone is off/died. I fell asleep and didn’t put it on the charger. I wake up early, charge my phone and got 4 voicemails. My mother is on the phone in heartbroken tears telling me Carl is gone. That state of shock is unreal. I doubt I ever forget this day.

Carl or CG is my Uncle’s oldest son. He is my first cousin. We lived on Carroll St in the same duplex… 622 and 622 1/2 S. Carroll Street.

I remember when he was about 6 or 7 years old he got hit by a car on our street that almost ended his life…We went to go visit him in the hospital and he was so still, tubes all over, couldn’t talk but when they said “Carl Cameron’s here” he started moving when I spoke he moved even more..When he survived I thought man, this is the toughest little dude EVER!

We definitely use to go at it. We argued and fought as kids but as we grew up and apart it was definitely all good. We had some great and hilarious times as children..with me moving around and not being around we never really sat and chopped it up much as adults.

Maybe a year or so ago, CG hit me up about possibly coming out to Indy and catching up with me. Today I’m wondering if that was a sign that maybe  God gave me an opportunity to stop this day from happening. I feel sorry and think that maybe just maybe a visit or a few more talks with me could have saved him. Not that I’m God or can save the world or anything but you just never know what your purpose is so you just shouldn’t ignore it.

This is unreal. I’ve never lost someone this close to the family before. I know I spoke of Maurice but he was older, lived in Mississippi and I may have seen him 2 times a year at best. CG was different. He was a piece of my childhood. A piece of my immediate family. Someone that would literally alter my life if he was to never exist.

Cuz I’m sorry. I know I probably shouldn’t feel this way but, I feel I could have done more for you. Even if it was just to be a positive word to you on a regular basis I should have did that. Us being FB friends and a few quick conversations back in the port just wasn’t enough. I see that now. I’m not going to beat myself up but what I will do is never forget you. I won’t forget the positive, funny, crazy you. The kid that was just carefree and playful. A guy who was seriously becoming his own man and figuring it out who unfortunately is now gone too soon.

I’m so hurt I’m not upset right now. I just hope they find who did it. I was told it may have been some kid..literally a teenager. Carl just turned 30 September 6th.

Carl was shot and killed last night…Unless you were an accomplish, telling us and the Police who did it DOES NOT MAKE YOU A SNITCH! If you know something and don’t say something I’m personally taking it as you don’t care about him, you don’t care about us and you’re cool with kids murdering kids and senseless murder period.

Rest In Peace CG. Never seen this day coming at all…You are missed. You are loved.

CG

amex black card

This morning…I’ve been having a lengthy conversation with myself about my worth and my skill set. As I’m thinking I’m getting extremely upset at my situation but more so at myself…I should have made more demands or had courage enough to fall back or even leave when I didn’t get what I deserved…not wanted DESERVED.

I’ve sat now for years watching time go by, moments being achieved, skills being polished, new skills being picked up, innovation, creativity and flat out hard word being displayed…Yet, I’m sitting here in NEED of more.

I look at the people that obviously benefit off the work I do and how it elevates them and not me and it pisses me off.

I sit here knowing for a fact that I am literally one of the BEST in this industry and in any given minute I can back it up. It’s not a conceit thing. Look at the criteria for what it takes to be a  “New Age Broadcaster” look at what you need to do to be “Keeping Up In The Digital World” and you will see everything BUT MY FACE in the definition and I’m only getting better.

I’m  a person with self taught skills, a Bachelor’s and a Certificate…I should be wealthy beyond even my wildest imaginations. I blame myself though..No one else. Nobody can literally stop me from getting what I deserve. I stop myself…but no more will I allow myself to stunt my growth.

I am vowing to myself TODAY…to NEVER feel the way I feel, live the way I live and to check my back account and see what I see moving forward. I’m way better than that. No one will benefit more off of me than me  [Except Layla she deserves the world]. It’s not fair or feasible and it won’t ever happen again..

If you ain’t talking money then let it be brief – Forgot who said it

MuthaF**ka Where’s My F**ing Money!? – Busta Rhymes

What’s Mines is Mine and What’s Yours is Mine TOO! – Sticky Fingaz

I don’t like to dream about getting paid  – Warren G

Why they always talking bout money?  Cause we like money B**ch – Puff Daddy

 

mucho-dinero

This week was very strenuous mentally. Came off a great vacation inspired to do WORK, BE GREAT AND GET BUSY OUT HERE!

I want to talk to a millionaire. I want to speak to people out here really getting it. Not I got a clean old school on 30’s getting it. I’m talking about the people who are currently establishing first generation wealth for there families. That’s what I want. I want my name to hold weight on this planet. I want to be so official out here that even if you are my 3rd cousin…YOU GOOD!

I been talking to my Radio OG and sharing stories and aspirations about my life and he told me the best thing he could…GO GET IT NOW!

Im about to make a list…A List of things I am going to do…Not want, not aspire, not hope or pray on….THINGS I AM GOING TO DO! It’s time, I believe, so its going to happen!

Thanks for reading. Be Blessed.

So let me say…I got some dope Shirts for sale…$15 in Person, $20 if I ship it to you. #CamQuotes Tees…they will only keep getting better

HangYourBox Proof

and of course we got the original

Who's Rocking Proof

My shirts are so soft and comfy that you really would wear it to sleep with no underwear [See CamQuotes Who’s Rocking Promo]

Now for my random thoughts..

I hate social media and the people who use it to complain about love…

I still can believe Andersen Silva got knocked out…

Somebody asked me if I still talked to dude…naw..he was out of line for that “You just see reasons why you’re better than me” ish

The inbox stays full…I’m really working with a whole new staff.

I finally got a chance to make some side money…He’s always right on time.

Being debt free and helping others has been heavy on my mind lately.

The Yeezus album is bigger than Hip-Hop

J. Cole’s album is “good”

I actually think Wale’s album is better than J. Cole’s and I don’t even like him for real.

A couple Wale fans that are going to see this and text me saying “See! I told you he was hot” which is when I will say “I said his album was better than J. Coles…so please fall back”

On the surface it may seem like I over react…but in real life..I was dead on..I don’t apologize but I move forward.

Nothing wrong with being cool again…but I’m watching you..and its never going to be the way it was.

I haven’t done any nasty humor blogs for y’all in a while.

So focused on all these other sites and things that I may let this Captain’s Log go for good.

Sorry if you have been a loyal reader…I have been putting in work…just not here.

Hope you enjoyed your 4th!

I’m sitting here…medicated yet thinking clearly. It’s amazing how much pain and sickness can block the brains thoughts. A lot of things are swirling and I need some answers or some info. It’s no secret I’ve been trying to get my TV hustle on but one thing I have always struggle with was Name Branding. It is something I become real difficult and inconsistent with. One thing for sure is I’m over DONE with nickname and stage names but I don’t want to use my full real name.

Luckily I’m not famous or infamous [depending on who you ask] so I still have time to really build and solidly execute a plan for great name branding.

I’ve done a lot of great work under “The Captain” however I don’t know if it really resonates with an audience. It honestly came to me over night before heading to school and it was more of a radio thing…End of day I have stood behind it and really pushed it but its one of those things where it’s 50/50 perception on how well it is working.

Present day. I been working on cranking out these T-shirts called CamQuotes, On TV and for my primary job I was “Web-Cam” my real name is Cameron and When I introduce myself I always say “I’m Cam”..The consistent piece of this puzzle is “Cam”. So it got me thinking…

How do I introduce myself?

How would a friend or Colleague introduce me?

What name could be use universally and embody everything I do?

One day when I’m being interviewed what would they call me and does it have a ring to it?

I definitely need some advice because the name I pick from this day forward I plan to trademark. I want to know if its worth the change. I want to know if I have done too much as “The Captain” and if it’s worth it to change and start back at square one.

Anyone have any suggestions? Let me know.